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MASCOT LEAGUE BASEBALL: 1ST ROUND RESULTS

Posted on July 28, 2008 - Filed Under Mascot League Baseball |

AMERICAN INDIANS DEAL GINGERS LOPSIDED LOSS:

By a margin of 71% to 29%, the American Indians send the Gingers back in-doors where they belong. This team is looking strong heading into their quarterfinal round match.

WHITE JOX TAKE AFFIRMATIVE ACTION AGAINST SLAVES:

The Chicago White Jox stunned the No. 2 seeded Slaves in the closest first round match-up of the tournament. The White Jox won by the narrowest of margins, winning by a slim 4 votes! Definitely a force to contend with in the next round.

RED NECK NATION RISES UP TO OUST WETBACKS:

The Cincinnati Red Necks came out in record numbers to soundly beat back the Wetbacks. In a record turnout, the Red Necks beat the Wetbacks by a 57% to 43% margin. This one wasn’t even close! Wetback fans contend that their defeat was due to their backers lurking in the shadows, afraid to participate in this contest. Red Neck backers cried “sour grapes” on the part of Wetback advocates. Wetbacks shot back saying that “with Wetbacks gone, there literally will be sour grapes … in the fields.” Red Necks move on!

DRED LOX DUNK OREOS IN A STUNNER:

In another 1^st round stunner, the Dred Lox send the Oreos packing. This contest generated the most votes in the tournament, and the Dred Lox come out victorious by a 57% to 43% margin. Most commentators have blamed the Oreos inexperience and their untimely overseas exhibition trip to the Middle East and Europe for their loss of focus. “They got cocky, and didn’t take care of business here at home” opined the pundits. This is an extremely costly defeat for the Oreos as they spent well over the spending cap limit that they promised to adhere to when the season began. Facing a luxury tax, the Oreos responded by stating, “We like taxes, there isn’t a tax out there that we haven’t embraced.” The Oreo team president will now have plenty of time to concentrate on his bid to win the League Presidency in November.

JEW CREW DEPOSIT BIG WIN INTO THE BANK:

The Milwaukee Jew Crew registered the most lopsided win of the tournament over a beleaguered St. Louis Cardinal team. The Jew Crew won by an incredible 79% to 21% margin. This win is even more incredible when you factor in the Jew Crew time out they took on Friday night into Saturday. Most of the Cardinal faithful did not participate, saying it wasn’t Christmas or Easter. The Jew Crew look strong!

SIAMESE TWINS OUTSOURCE INDIA INDIANS:

In another one sided contest, the two sided twins sent the India Indians home. The Siamese Twins won by an impressive 72% to 28% margin. The fortune cookies are definitely in the Siamese Twins favor.

MADRES REPRESS GAYS, SEND BACK INTO CLOSET:

The Madres used good old fashion values and hard work to beat back the Gays in another close battle. In a 51% to 49% vote, the teams were separated by a scant 8 votes. The Gays vowed not to go back into the closet, claiming a foul in the voting. The Gays allege that all the votes from Florida were not properly counted. They are demanding a re-count. As for now, the Madres prevail and move on!

JUNKEES NARC ON I.C.E. DODGERS:

The rehabilitated Junkees turn on the I.C.E. Dodgers for easy first round win. The Junkees won by a convincing 58% to 42% margin to detain, at least temporarily, the I.C.E. Dodgers. The I.C.E. Dodgers vowed revenge, shouting, “We ain’t gowen nowhere.” Lets see if the Junkees can stay on the wagon for their next round match-up.

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